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The Hagiography of St. George of Crawford

by lordkelvin

Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 01:09:47 PM PDT

Before a saint is beatified, an informative inquiry is prepared to determine the reputation for sanctity and miracles of the servant of God.  Not in a general way, but particular instances of sanctity and miracles must be recorded and are investigated.

In order to smooth the path to beatification, I will aid the postulator-general of the cause by recording specific miracles of the Lord's servant, George W. Bush, and discuss the obstacles to beatification.

More...

Although George W. Bush is not Catholic, he may consider converting in recognition of the works of the Bishops and the laity that delivered the Electoral College to the candidate (for President, and sainthood).  While JFK won 83% of the Catholic vote, JK received only 47% of the Catholic vote.  If George decided to convert (the first step towards canonization), he could in fact be sponsored by his brother, Jeb.

On the other hand, the miracles of George W. Bush are numerous.  I list only a few.

1) Although he received fewer votes in Florida than Al Gore in 2000 (according to the NY Times statewide recount), HE NONETHELESS WON FLORIDA'S ELECTORAL VOTES.

2) In 2004, MIRACULOUSLY, too few voting machines were delivered to overwhelmingly Democratic precincts, while plenty of voting machines were delivered to suburban precincts.

3) In both 2000 and 2004, George W. Bush was able to foresee that he would win critical states such as Florida and Ohio, and that the exit polls were incorrect in those states.  This was MIRACULOUS, since he was unable to foresee that Osama bin Laden was determined to strike within the United States, in spite of being told, "Bin Laden determined to strike within the United States".

4) Despite lying to the American people in the State of the Union address, his administration killing 100,000 civilians in a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, favoring torture and opposing the Geneva convention, dropping the ball before 9/11, not having a plan for Iraq after getting to Baghdad, HE STILL WAS RE-ELECTED.  IT IS A MIRACLE.

Feel free to add other miraculous occurrences to aid in the process.

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Permalink | 7 comments

  •  An ignoramus becomes President (none / 0)

    A man who BRAGS that he does not read the newspapers became President of the United States.

    Praise the Lord - He hath bestowed a frigging idiot on the USA!  

    Voting rights are our most important rights because all the other ones depend on them

    by markusd on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 01:09:18 PM PDT

  •  It's gotta be a miracle ... (none / 0)

    or else 51% of our country is insane.  Having to live with that blasted 51%, I'd really rather go with the miracle.

    BTW, kudos on working in the word hagiography. It just sounds intellectual!

    "The force is really rather strong with you, Luke" - Eddie Izzard (I miss you, La 3/5/06)

    by Bexley Lane on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 01:48:41 PM PDT

  •  I like your tack here! (none / 0)

    It's a great frame.  Instead of complaining about fraud or lies or whatever, you are simply positing miracles.

    Actually, by lathering this myth on thick, you are undercutting the denials of the bush side, when we make a frontal attack.

    Keep building a hagiography.  It actually works to show how many "miracles" would have to have happened in order for things to have gone his way for so long.

    Going way back, the guy must have miraculously passed his classes at Yale.  And miracles kept him out of jail  (you could start some poetry with the last two sentences!)  Miracles led to selling stocks at just the right point (before Harkin fell)and what miracles there must have been during his time in the Air National Guard! And on and on and on.

    GWB - miracle worker or miracle recipient?

    by Freudian Slipper on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 01:59:57 PM PDT

  •  Voting Miracles (none / 0)

    Aren't some minor miracles needed, too?

    How about those many, many voting precincts during the 2004 election which counted more votes than they had registered voters, for instance? They sound like minor miracles to me. Of course, we don't know if the Chimperor was the perpetrator or the recipient of those l'il miracles.

    "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    by jayatRI on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 02:19:59 PM PDT

  •  Another miracle... (none / 0)

    Someone who went to Yale can't pronounce 'nuclear.'

    Lake George. Named after a cretin. Located in New Orleans.

    by Lumiere on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 03:41:49 PM PDT

  •  IT'S A MIRACLE! (none / 0)

    Someone who went AWOL and failed to complete his National Guard service was granted an honorable discharge!  

    PA-RAYSE JAY-SUS!!!  

    "Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity."

    by SLKRR on Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 05:03:24 PM PDT

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